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Blackfire
http://blackfire.purpledream.com |
Demons
04/16/03
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Demons are coming
Bearing their fangs
Scars are now starting
To reopen again
Demons are pushing
I'm starting to fall
Not one person shall hear
No matter whom I call
Demons are laughing
My whole world's disappeared
And I'm left with the only
People that I feared
Demon's are possessing
As I fall to the floor
And my father's wild eyes
Aren't his anymore
The Demons are leaving
Now that I've been beat
Waiting for more prey
Into darkness they retreat
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Last Farewell
04/22/03 |
Daddy stuck around
But my mommy ran
Though my daddy was much worse
My mom was pretty bad
So I hide in the closet
Or maybe under the bed
Holding all the books I could bring
And while I cried I read.
I read about families
Who were as happy as could be
With parents who loved their kids
As much as mine hated me.
I heard my daddy screaming
You brat you should be dead!
I knew he wouldn't kill me
Who would he have to beat up then?
So I came out of my hiding place
And stood at the top of the stairs
I stared right into his angry eyes
And got lost in what I saw there.
The next thing I knew
I was laying on the floor
The lights were all off
And he'd closed the door
I didn't know what he'd done
Or where he was now
All I knew is this was my chance
To get out of this house
I pulled my pants up and buttoned them
I didn't know why they were down
I opened the door a crack
And dared to peek around
I walked straight downstairs
And straight out the door
I held my head high as I walked down the street
I didn't know what I was looking for
I wandered, eating scraps for a week
I don't know who picked me up
Or where they found me
They told me I was a bad child
For running away from daddy
I looked into his cold eyes
And knew I couldn't tell
So he came and picked me up
And everyone bid me farewell.
It may be the last goodbye
That I will ever tell.
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Exhaustion
05/01/03 |
Exhaust washes in a wave over me
Making it difficult for me to even breathe
Closing my eyes involuntarily
Praying I may never wake again
I try to listen, but your voice just fades away
My mind wanders to a wonderful place
A land where I can run and laugh and play
Instead of being trapped in here with you
All consciousness is leaving me fast
It seems you've finally got me beat at last
The life on the other side of that door is vast
But I can't quite reach the handle
The darkness surrounds me, may it never leave again
It pours into my very soul, calming me within
In it I feel more secure than I've ever been
May I sleep forever, may you burn in hell.
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Black Rose
05/11/03
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The dark petal from a black rose
Falls swiftly to the ground
The wind is howling in my head
Though it makes no true sound
The breeze softly picks the rose
Lays it gently on the snow
And as I bend down and lift it up
Suddenly that's when I know
I face up towards the sky
To scream out my praise
Right when a cloud shifts
And light pours over my face
I start to run joyfully
The wind whipping my hair
Knowing my salvation from these streets
Is right around the bend there
But when the thorns stick through my hand
And I see all the dripping blood
I know that when I get around that corner
There'll be no one
So I walk gloomily around the curve
Only to see more slushy road
I hand fell limp as I walked slowly on
Letting fall that beautiful black rose
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The Universe
07/06/03
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The universe is indeed a strange thing
So erratic and chaotic, yet filled with beauty
Yet beauty can hide the greatest evil
For it is a very protecting veil
But with my lesson learned
With me, the cover of beauty will fail
I sit outside for hours staring at the stars
As a tear rolls down my face
Something inside is desperately pulling
Desperate for a perfect place
From the moon, looking at Earth
Does it not look perfect as well?
But when you get to this "perfect place"
You get a living hell
So when I look at the stars
I box up that irresistible lure
I look up at those "perfect" stars
That never will be and never were
Don't shine on me with that fake light
Don't try to trick me with that beauty
And when I lay my head down to cry
Don't whisper comfort to me
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The Darkness Of A Broken Mind
07/16/03 |
Fear lifts inside me
My heart pounding in my chest
I think I'm going crazy
Can't go on living like this.
Retreating faces, in the dark
Moving shadows through my head
Hearing voices echo through the night
As I lay here in my bed
Rattling doors, banging on the wall
These sounds penetrating into my soul
My mind is breaking, I'm starting to fall
My carefully guarded life is spinning out of control.
Losing myself in empty thoughts
Trying to fill an empty heart
Hiding alone, my breath short and fast
Hiding from the enemies that haunt me from my past
I fear I'm really losing my mind
What would my family do?
If anyone could see in, what would they find?
Would my insanity prove true?
Life's an endless cycle
The sun sets and rises
At night I'm faced with my true self
At day hidden with many disguises
So welcome to my life
Where demons lurk and voices sound
Where pain can drive the mind to break
And light is never found.
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Painful Life To Painful Dreams
07/25/03 |
Holding my hands behind my back, staring at the ground
I try not to listen to your words, but I can't block out the sound.
Each word tears into my soul, ripping out pieces of my heart
Ingraining themselves in my mind, will the shouting never stop?
I'm so tired, I just close my eyes, trying not to hear what you say
How I'm such a disappointment, my brothers and sisters never acted this way.
I just want to go to sleep, forget everything you've said
I wanna forget that I'm stupid and ugly, and that I'm better off dead.
I just don't understand you, I don't know how you can say
That one day I'm your angel, when the next you just throw me away.
My head is starting to pound, my temple throbbing painfully
I cannot meet your eyes, I lower my head shamefully
You don't have to tell me over and over, I know I screwed up again
You don't need to tell me how bad I am, I already know my sins
You don't need to tell me how hard your life is, I know that mine is meaningless
I can't imagine how tough your life is, in all your bliss and ignorance.
Your voice sounds distant, as angry thoughts run through my head
If only you knew what a hard life was, would you say the things you've said?
If you knew the things I've seen, things that haunt me in my dreams,
Would you sit there with your fancy, big TV and beg me for all my sympathy?
I slowly turn, head up the stairs, your voice taunting me all the way
My mind drifts off to other places, where I can't hear what you say.
Everything that you say, I know it's not true, but it must be.
I reach my bed, close my eyes, and go from a painful life, to painful dreams.
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World Of A Writer
08/02/03
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I see a beautiful white stone palace
In every house I see
I can see the whole secret of creation
In one fallen green leaf.
I can look into a bright sunset
And even though it occurs every day
I can always find new bright colors
Something's always more beautiful than yesterday.
I walk through an ordinary forest,
but see more kingdoms than what exists in all the earth's past
I can feel creation everywhere
Like when God created the sky so blue, and the ocean so vast.
I look at a bookshelf, a table, maybe a chair
And can see a red wood forest proud and tall
I see the tree with light shining through it's leaves
And could write a book from it's birth until it's fall.
I smile and spin and jump and laugh
As colored sparks and magic fall like a beauty shower
This world is full of the unknown, with limitless freedom
Welcome to the world of a writer.
Full of light and darkness blended to perfection
The beauty of a sunset, sunrise, and the stars in the sky
All mixed together in an eternally changing
World of eternity passing every one else by.
So don't let earthly limits limit you
Look beyond every surface, beyond the sky.
Don't let this beauty get away.
For without limits, you can fly.
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Chains Of Life ( Crying For Freedom )
08/25/03
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Morning comes, I'm still asleep
Not til afternoon do I wake
I lay in bed, not wanting to move
Straining for every breath I take.
I awoke today, once again
Will the torture never end
Can no one see, on my pillow
The tears that I am drowning in?
I dress slowly, look in the mirror
See all the scars I've come to fear
Closing my eyes, I wish away what no one's seen
Wish that tomorrow I'll wake from this dream.
The day flies past me
In a whirl of colors and lies
Before I know it, the stars are out
Alone at last, my empty heart cries
How can every day be so much the same
With no feelings or emotions, no easing the pain
I can't put this on someone else, only I'm to blame
My heart is broken, my mind lost, and my spirit stained
So I crawl into bed, the hour before dawn
Struggle with nightmares instead of sweet dreams.
Tears falling to my pillow once again
Soul crying for the day I am free
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My Obsidian Nemesis
09/05/03 |
My mind to bend, my soul to bind
My heart to break, my bones to grind
My sanity to lose, my darkness to shine
To live or die, I can't decide
Sanity may be found, but it isn't mine
To move ahead, or fall behind
To reveal my lies, or in darkness hide
My tears to fall, my tears to dry
The choices in life are no longer mine
No longer am I in control of my life
The path I've walked, it sucked me in
To live in goodness or live in sin
Pushed and shoved by invisible hands
Through this morbid, fantasy land
The sun shines darkness, running rivers all blood red
The dying ones are being born, the living ones are dead
The ones never knowing hunger are the only ones ever fed
Speaking is just thinking, and thoughts are always said
My heart to love, my heart to hate
My soul to keep my soul to take
No longer the master of my fate
Never able to turn away
Forced along the journey
Approaching hell's black gate
To walk forward or to walk back
Through the snow of charcoal black
Over the bridge or through the lake
To stand firm or to break
To choose not to choose
Or not to choose at all
It doesn't matter anymore
I'm too far down to fall
I walk this morbid yellow brick road
With bricks of shiny black
With skies of red and trees of gray
Hands shackled behind my back
Demons leading me on each side
One in front and one behind
Prisoner of hell forevermore
My muscles so tired, my feet so sore
Words are thought
thoughts are words
I can't yell for help outside this world
I look back on the life I left behind
Marching onward slowly,
Through this place they'll never find
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